“There are two types of gamblers - losers and liars” — My Uncle Eddie

I was sitting in a local tavern while counseling one of my parishioners over several beers.

He soon pulled out 40, one dollar “Fantasy Five” lottery tickets to have the bartender check for him.

I’ll call this guy “Ron” for the sake of this story.

I’ve known Ron for many years; he’s a disabled Veteran who lives in subsidized housing and sustains off of $945 a month from disability benefits.

I asked him, “How much do you win if you hit all five numbers?”

“It depends on how many people play, but the last time somebody won, it paid about $50,000,” he said.

I picked up a play slip, turned it over and examined the odds.

I continued, “You know Ron, your odds of hitting all five are one in 575,757 - and you only get paid $50,000?”

“Who cares what the odds are?

“As long as I win and get paid, that’s all that matters to me,” he responded, slightly irritated.

Trying to knock some common sense into Ron, I said, “If you bought every single combination, you would spend $575,757 to get back $50,000.

“They’re taking your one dollar and giving you back 9 cents!”

He took another gulp of beer and increasingly pissed off he said, “You’re a moron!

“You would have to be stupid to buy that many tickets!

“That’s why I buy only 40.

“Forty tickets gives me a lot better chance than buying just one.”

Trying to calm him down I said, “You’re right Ron; it’s better to have a 40 in 575,757 chance than a 1 in 575,757 chance.”

By this time, the bartender returned with the results of his forty tickets - three “replays” but no money.

He looked over at me and said, “You can’t win every time, but that $50,000, or whatever it will pay, is certainly going to come in handy when I do win it.”

I had a bright idea to see just how ignorant this guy is.

I asked him, “How would you like to win some of your money back right now?”

He looked at me with suspicion and said, “What do I have to do?”

“Simple,” I explained, “all you have to do is guess the number that you’re about to roll on a single die.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, that’s it!

“For every dollar you put up you get three plus your original dollar back when you’re right,” I said.

Ron laughed, “Can I bet more than one number?”

“Of course, you can bet all six if you want.”

I asked for a piece of paper, a pen and a couple of dice from the bartender.

I divided the paper into six sections and marked each section from one to six.

“OK Ron, put a dollar on the numbers you want to bet, pick one of the two dice and roll,” I said.

Ron gave a greedy laugh while he put a dollar each on number one, three and six.

He picked up the die and rolled a four.

I took his three dollars; again he put a dollar up on each of the same numbers - one, three and six.

Ron picked up the same die and rolled a three.

He laughed, “See, I told you! You need to make multiple bets.”

I handed Ron his three dollar prize plus his original dollar that he bet on number three and congratulated him.

Ron played the same numbers again and rolled a six.

He was happy; I paid him.

We played eight more times.

Every time Ron lost, I kept his three dollars; every time he won, I gave him back what was on the “board” and handed him a buck out of my pocket.

Out of 11 “games,” Ron had a winning number on five of them.

I collected a total of $33 dollars in wagers and gave him back $15 in prizes.

Ron was happy when he won; but since the game isn’t very exciting, we stopped playing after 11 rolls.

Ron attributed the fact that he had less money now than when we started on his “luck.”

“A lottery is nothing more than a tax on the mathematically challenged” –Benjamin Franklin

Not to take advantage of a disabled veteran - for all I knew he suffered a brain injury - I bought him several beers with the money I just “earned.”

What astonishes me, is that his view towards gambling is pretty typical of the chronic “serious” lottery player.

Let’s face it, the only entities to make money from gambling in the long run are the bookies, casinos and government.

Most gamblers realize that the odds are stacked against them.

Statistically over several hundred turns, if you play a decent game of blackjack or craps, you put up one dollar and get back 95-97% of your money.

Due to the fluctuations of probability, it will appear as though you’re either winning or losing larger amounts.

Roulette, slots, sports games and horse races are geared to take 5-25% of every dollar wagered - and to most knowledgeable gamblers, 25% is too much.

Even the mafia, when they ran numbers, would take no more than 33 cents on the dollar.

State lotteries are just an out right plain as day rip off taking over half the money you put in.

What about the Super Jackpot Lotteries?

The “Power Ball” or 6/49 games - whatever they’re called in different parts of the country - are all run the same.

You buy a ticket for a dollar; less than 40 cents goes back into the prize pool.

Even though the jackpot may be $12 million, the odds of winning might be one in 60 million.

Then, if you’re lucky enough to win, they take that $12 million, put it in an annuity and pay you off over the next twenty years, using the interest the prize money has generated!

Of course, you could have taken the “one lump sum” option - where you take only half the jack pot!

You can make big bucks in a lottery!

The problem is, you have to run your own.

More than likely, for political reasons, it is illegal where you are.

But, if it were legal, a lottery could be something as simple as picking the last three numbers of the Friday closing of the Dow.

The odds are one in 1,000.

So, if you guarantee a payoff of $500 to the winner, you would be able to keep half the money you collect long term - just have the prize money in reserve first, just in case!

When I feel like playing the lottery, either out of shear drunkenness or fantasizing about a very large jackpot, I will always buy two tickets.

Why two?

Taking advice from Ron, two tickets gives me more of a chance to win as opposed to just one!

Digg.com | Propeller.com | Reddit.com | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon.com | Google.com | Socialogs.com | Others social services