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November 26, 2007

Prophecies and Predictions For The First Half Of 2008

After two days in a Thanksgiving induced comatose state, Guru Jeff has foretold the following prophecies for the first half of 2008.

International:

Paris Hilton Brokers A Mid East Peace Deal

Paris Hilton will broker a lasting Middle East peace deal and become the most trusted American spokeswoman in the Muslim world.

Iran will give up their nuclear ambitions and outsource the effort to India.

Osama Bin Laden will market a soft drink flavored with opium; the soda will be called, “Al Qaeda Cola” and target the Afghanistan and Pakistan market.

North Korea will buy five tons of yellow cake from Betty Crocker.

Fidel Castro will kick the bucket without the help of the CIA.

A special beer will be invented to help end world hunger; it will be called “Gruel-Meister.”

Politics:

The Illuminati will launch a smear campaign to thwart the Republican presidential nomination of Dr. Ron Paul.

Rudy Giuliani’s mafia connections will emerge.

Hillary Clinton will be outed as a lesbian.

Bill Clinton will start his own internet porn site.

President Bush will say something really stupid during one of his speeches.

In The United States:

The Kentucky Derby Winner is…

A long shot will win the Kentucky Derby; the horses name will be… will be… it will have more than five letters in the name and at least two vowels.

Mind numbing TV programming.

Mindless television programs will dominate the airwaves.

Americans will, by in large, continue to get fatter; no pun intended.

OJ Simpson will celebrate another legal victory

OJ Simpson will be found not guilty in his Las Vegas armed robbery trial; his defense motto will be, “If OJ didn’t run, of course there was no gun.”

It will rain in drought-affected areas.

TV evangelist Donald Rumsfeld.

Donald Rumsfeld will launch a career as a television preacher; he will become famous for his on the air faith healings and conversations with God.

A famous celebrity will die in an automobile crash.

Rush Limbaugh will market his own diet and exercise program.

Business:

Opec will announce that they will soon accept Euros and Yen for payment of oil.

The American Dollar will start to compete in value with the Zimbabwean Dollar.

The Illuminati will plan to “liberate the entire Middle East.”

Microsoft and Walmart will conspire to buy Red China.

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November 20, 2007

Third World Justice, The Costa Rican Way

With all the flak the United States is getting over the suspension of the Constitution, Habeas Corpus, indefinite detention without charges filed and the torture - excuse me - “rendition” of terror suspects on foreign soil, I can’t help but think back to my exneighbor’s story on Costa Rican justice.

It has been said before that to see into the future, one must look into the past.

The United States seems to be going backwards in the judicial process, so please allow me to tell Jorge’s story on arrest and torture in Costa Rica.

Jorge is a Costa Rican national who grew up in the country before becoming a hippy in the United States in the 1970’s.

Jorge started off by saying, “To stem corruption in Costa Rica, every four years, everyone in the Police force resigns his or her position.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re a street cop or the Chief of Police, everyone resigns.

“This keeps corruption to a minimum, but there is also a lack of expertise and experience from veteran officers.

“Not too many Police officers even know what the law is, so if they catch you doing something that they think is questionable, a lot of times they’ll argue amongst themselves whether it’s against the law or not.

“I was standing outside my house one day in the 1960’s and was arrested for ‘indecent exposure.’

“The Police had never seen anybody wearing short pants until then, and figured that exposing the bare legs was obscene.

“They took me down to the Police Station for booking.

“I asked to make a phone call, but they wanted me to pay and I didn’t have any money.

“I explained that in the United States when a person is arrested, they are entitled to one free phone call.

“They talked amongst themselves and liked that idea so much, they made it policy at the station.

“A relative came down, paid the fine and I was let go.

“Another time in the 1970’s, me and this other guy were seeing the same woman; it pissed him off because she liked me better than him.

“So this other guy goes down to the Police Station and files a ‘Denuncia’ against me and declared that I am an international drug dealer.

“A ‘Denuncia’ is a sworn statement against someone; that’s all the Police need to arrest someone without evidence.

“So the Police came, arrested me and took me to the Police Station.

“They questioned me for hours, but I wouldn’t confess; I wasn’t a drug dealer and explained to them that the guy who filed the Denuncia was trying to get involved with my girlfriend.

“When I wouldn’t confess after several hours, they started to beat me.

Electric Torture At The Hands Of The Police.

“Eventually they took all my clothes off, tied me to a board and passed electricity between an electrode attached to my ear and another one clamped to my testicles.

“I was in so much pain - the most pain I have ever been in my entire life; it was excruciating.

“But there was no way I would confess.

“Costa Rican prisons, like all the prisons in South America and torturous hell holes.

“The prison by our town was up on top of a hill, it looked ominous.

A Fenced Off Prison In Costa Rica.

“It’s just a walled off community with armed guards surrounding it.

“If your relatives don’t send you food, or if you don’t have any money, you either have to eat rats or trade sexual favors for food.

“You also have to find a place to live once you’re there; they don’t just give you a cell like they do here in America.

“We would all joke as kids that if we were bad, we would be sent there; that kept many kids straight.

“I was facing 10 years to life in a place like that if I had confessed to the charges in the Denuncia.

“I would rather have died than confess, and I really thought I was going to die.

“Sometime during the beating and electrocutions, I passed out from the excruciating pain.

“The Police rented a hotel room, under protest from the manager, and left me there to either wake up or die.

“I eventually came to, but I was really fucked up.

“I had bruises, welts and burns all over my body and groin area.

“It took me more than a month to recover to the point where I was functional.”

I asked, “So what happened to the guy that filed the false Denuncia?”

Jorge continued, “After I got better, I hid outside his house with a lead pipe.

“When he when outside to go to work, I smashed his head in from the back an kept hitting him until I thought he was dead.”

“Did he die?” I asked.

“Unfortunately not.”

“So after you tried to kill him, what happened to you? Did you get arrested again?” I asked.

Jorge answered, “Of course not! If someone files a false Denuncia against you, the Police expect you to go and kill that person.”

It was also explained to me that Americans were treated a lot better than the Costa Ricans, because of the wealth that they generally had.

So, is this American justice of the future?

Probably not to that extent.

But there is one thing that I liked about Jorge’s story.

I think everyone at one time in their lives has been accused of something that they didn’t do.

How often could you get away with stalking your false accuser down with the intent on killing him?

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